I have come to realize how the brain’s neural pathways are
affected by being stuck on any habitual behaviors, as with addiction patterns,
regardless of what the addiction may be. The brain circuitry shapes itself to
route signals as programmed, whether unconsciously or consciously. I suppose it
acts somewhat like a muscle that is either utilized routinely or it’s bypassed.
For example, a farmer probably doesn’t consciously exercise his legs; he just
uses them to climb ladders or up on tractors, to walk through the furrows, to
care for his animals, and all the demands of farm work. Because he needs them,
he uses them. But if the farmer goes on vacation, or retires, he needn’t use
his legs in the same way, so they don’t follow the working routine. Likewise
the brain transmits its signals along circuits that are most often used. When
some non-customary requirement is given to the brain, it must perform such
function using a different route through the brain’s geography. It’s like
driving your car to an address unknown or rarely visited; a map may need to be
followed, whereas to a familiar location the route requires no more than just
turning the steering wheel without even thinking or recollecting. {For readers
motivated to learn more about basic brain functions, visit this link from
National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/educational-resources/brain-basics/brain-basics.shuuuu
tml }
I often detect that the mindless routines I do aren’t taking
me where I want to go, and that I need to choose a different way of acting or
thinking. This takes me longer than an automatic reaction. Let me give an
example. When my wife asks me to do something, like come and set up a breathing
treatment when she is having an asthma attack (formerly a common occurrence), I
could do it quickly and routinely after the first couple of times. However, I
often would do that out of a sense of duty more than with empathy and caring
about her needs and feelings, the whole time wanting to return quickly to
whatever I was doing when the request to help came. Now, suppose that I realize
that I want to show her some attention because I regard her as one I want to
serve with caring, it takes some additional effort and thinking to choose to
take more time and to truly see her as a person deserving of greater love and
help than my mindless way afforded.
Here is where use of the FLOAT method can help. Let me go
through the steps.
11.
Stop, leave a space …
Call from wife to help, respond automatically without empathy but willing to help right away. Then something whispers (or she vocalizes) that I could do something more helpful that would contribute to her healing and wellbeing more significantly than a mere oxygen treatment. I may choose to act with empathy, or to feel annoyed that more effort would be desirable yet perhaps inconvenient. Stop, leave a space …
Call from wife to help, respond automatically without empathy but willing to help right away. Then something whispers (or she vocalizes) that I could do something more helpful that would contribute to her healing and wellbeing more significantly than a mere oxygen treatment. I may choose to act with empathy, or to feel annoyed that more effort would be desirable yet perhaps inconvenient. Stop, leave a space …
22.
Take a deep cleansing breath
(to get out of my head and connected to values, to what I truly want to attract).
(to get out of my head and connected to values, to what I truly want to attract).
33. Excuse me, I’ll be back …
Set up the breathing treatment, then, “Excuse me, I’ll be back …”
Set up the breathing treatment, then, “Excuse me, I’ll be back …”
44.
Take 3 steps back …
Step back or out of the presence of my wife. This also moves the emotion outside myself, susceptible to being addressed.
Step back or out of the presence of my wife. This also moves the emotion outside myself, susceptible to being addressed.
55.
Hello (call the emotion by name), what do
you have to tell me?
Hello Inconvenience, what do you have to tell me? (I could call the idea or emotion different things, like Opportunity-to-strengthen-my-relationship or What-I-was-doing-sure-seems-more-important-to-complete.) Take time to listen to the message these ideas or feelings bring, for they are godsends, helpful to me to choose to attract what I really want or don’t; they are gifts to finding clarity. (I often do this awareness and communication part in private so as to be able to really listen and learn, and to allow my genuine evaluation of the messages to occur. I have some pretty candid conversation, often vocal, with the messages they bring, and some of my comments could be offensive or triggering to my wife.)
Hello Inconvenience, what do you have to tell me? (I could call the idea or emotion different things, like Opportunity-to-strengthen-my-relationship or What-I-was-doing-sure-seems-more-important-to-complete.) Take time to listen to the message these ideas or feelings bring, for they are godsends, helpful to me to choose to attract what I really want or don’t; they are gifts to finding clarity. (I often do this awareness and communication part in private so as to be able to really listen and learn, and to allow my genuine evaluation of the messages to occur. I have some pretty candid conversation, often vocal, with the messages they bring, and some of my comments could be offensive or triggering to my wife.)
66.
Consider choices …
Pull out my choice cards, whether actual or imaginary.
Pull out my choice cards, whether actual or imaginary.
77.
Make a choice …
Having allowed myself to connect with what I am trying to create or attract, that is probably different than my habitual, mindless response, I choose one of the options that occur to me. I don’t rush through this, for I am giving myself permission to choose a higher pathway, for I don’t want the usual outcomes (the standard neural pathways) that haven’t brought me happier results.
Having allowed myself to connect with what I am trying to create or attract, that is probably different than my habitual, mindless response, I choose one of the options that occur to me. I don’t rush through this, for I am giving myself permission to choose a higher pathway, for I don’t want the usual outcomes (the standard neural pathways) that haven’t brought me happier results.
88.
Return and report (discuss) …
I return to my wife and ask her if she wants to know what my choice was. Usually she is interested, so I explain it. Otherwise, I just carry it out. I usually congratulate myself and celebrate a little for having consciously chosen something other than my impulse to be annoyed with the inconvenient interruption, and healing is more likely to be helped to happen. The brain adapts in its own miraculous, neuroplastic way. (I may sweetly add that my wife will also thank or celebrate my choice in pleasant ways, better outcomes, payoff. It’s best if I don’t count on such payoffs, but’s it’s okay to enjoy them if they ensue.)
I return to my wife and ask her if she wants to know what my choice was. Usually she is interested, so I explain it. Otherwise, I just carry it out. I usually congratulate myself and celebrate a little for having consciously chosen something other than my impulse to be annoyed with the inconvenient interruption, and healing is more likely to be helped to happen. The brain adapts in its own miraculous, neuroplastic way. (I may sweetly add that my wife will also thank or celebrate my choice in pleasant ways, better outcomes, payoff. It’s best if I don’t count on such payoffs, but’s it’s okay to enjoy them if they ensue.)
Hence, the motto, Train the brain to train the body to train
the brain, is proven true to reality. A muscle is exercised in a
meaningful way.
Contributed by Richard, sometimes known as Pops or Papa
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